Steven Adams’ Butt Screen Is the Best Thing Since the Butt Fumble

We all remember where we were for the butt fumble. Thanksgiving 2012 was just an ordinary holiday. I was hiding from my family watching football when Mark Sanchez tried to hand off to no one, then ran into his own lineman’s butt resulting in an scoop-n-score for the Patriots. Uncles and cousins popped out of the woodwork asking if I had just seen what happened. Really brought us together.

No matter how old we get, butts will always be funny. Especially, when they are used in sports. Yesterday, Steven Adams gave us another play that yet again reinstated the athletic dignity of the butt with this screen.

Of course, that brick wall of a man does not even register that someone ran into him.

In terms of butt related sports plays, nothing will ever beat the butt fumble, but I would rank the Steven Adams butt screen just above when Khalil Mack butt sacked Aaron Rodgers.

Derek Jeter: “Impossible to Win Every Single Game”… Especially When He Trades Away All His Talent

Derek Jeter’s time as the Owner of the Miami Marlins can be summed up in one word: Debacle. Whether it’s the trading of his best players or utter failure to win games, it’s no secret that he is losing the fans. In fact, Miami averaged less than 10,000 fans per game last year. To put that in perspective, the Mets got 28,000.

When Jeter was asked about the state of the team he said:

“This is professional sports, and I feel bad for even saying this, but it’s impossible to win every single game. But one thing you always remember is the experience you have while you’re at the park, and we want it to be a positive experience and we want people to enjoy themselves,” Jeter said, according to the New York Post. “And look, a lot of times people come, they don’t know who won or lost, sometimes they don’t even know who was playing, but they do know if they had a good experience, and that’s what we’re focused on.”

Let’s unpack how nothing of a statement this was. First, Jeter starts out by saying that he cannot win all 162 games and how he feels bad for saying that. What? Jeter feels bad about saying something that is true 100% of the time? A fact as some call it.

Later, he says that some people don’t even know who was playing. Well, duh. The fans know who the stars are, and Jeter keeps trading them away. Giancarlo Stanton to his beloved Yankees and JT Realmuto to division rival Phillies. Hard to know who the players are when either no one does anything or the ones worth getting to know will be shipped off soon.

Lastly, Jeter says that he is focused on the experience for fans. I guess when you can’t show the fans some quality baseball, you have to throw in some gimmicks to make it bearable. I am not much of a TV baseball watcher, but going to a ballpark is one of my favorite things of all time to do. Dollar Dog and Beer Night can make me cancel just about any plan I had previously. But, if I never hear one crack of the bat, then I will feel just a little bit cheated of the experience.

I don’t even have baseball team that I root for, but I know Jeter is doing something wrong. Only a matter of time before there is a full mutiny on him.

LSU Suspends Head Coach Will Wade Indefinitely

On Friday, LSU basketball announced that they would suspend head coach Will Wade indefinitely after a phone conversation between Wade and Christian Dawkins, a basketball middleman, that had been tapped by the FBI back in 2017. The conversation went as follows:

“I was thinking last night on this Smart thing,” Wade said. “I’ll be honest with you, I’m [expletive] tired of dealing with the thing. Like I’m just [expletive] sick of dealing with the [expletive]. Like, this should not be that [expletive] complicated.”

With no elaboration on Javonte Smart, who is now a freshman stud at LSU.

“Dude,” Wade continued to Dawkins, referring to the third party involved in the recruitment, “I went to him with a [expletive] strong-ass offer about a month ago. [Expletive] strong.

“The problem was, I know why he didn’t take it now, it was [expletive] tilted toward the family a little bit,” Wade continued. “It was tilted toward taking care of the mom, taking care of the kid. Like it was tilted towards that. Now I know for a fact he didn’t explain everything to the mom. I know now, he didn’t get enough of the piece of the pie in the deal.”

Dawkins responded by saying, “Hmmmm.”

“It was a [expletive] hell of a [expletive] offer,” Wade continued. “Hell of an offer.”

“OK,” Dawkins said.

“Especially for a kid who is going to be a two- or three-year kid,” Wade said.

The FBI also cited many other coaches in this including Bruce Pearl, Auburn, and Sean Miller, Arizona.

What really sucks about this whole thing is this might be the best LSU team since Shaq was there. As an LSU fan, this might be the first year since I was alive that I feel like we have a legitimate chance to make a deep run in the tournament (at least more than when we had Big Baby, Tyrus Thomas, and Marcus Thornton).

All of that being said, LSU did the right thing. It was obvious that they had fault and that there was a clear issue coming from Wade. So for them to be the first to lay the hammer down was incredibly smart. I think that’s a consensus amongst everyone. The SEC made a statement that they supported LSU and the basketball program in this.

It’s going to be interesting to see how this young LSU team deals with this, and see if they can adapt. I hope they can, but it’ll be very hard. Will Wade was a stellar coach and was a great leader.

This brings the question of whether college programs should be able to pay their players and allow them to profit off their likeness. However, that is a question for another day.

-Parmesan Don

Saturday Sports Trivia, March 2

Just like something that hurts on Coach K we are back for another round of sports trivia. Here at Soft 7 Sports, we would never objectify anybody. We love all of you for your minds. Now, we want to see if you all are as big of sports fans as we are. See if you can get a perfect 10/10.

Be sure to share, retweet, like to challenge your friends and follow us on Twitter @soft7sports.

TRIVIA:

  1. Bryce Harper just signed a contract with the Philadelphia Phillies worth $330 million. How many years is on the contract?
  2. What are the three events that make up a triathlon?
  3. Where did Portland Trail Blazers guard C.J. McCollum play his college basketball?
  4. What company is the jersey sponsor for the Boston Celtics?
  5. The Pensacola Blue Wahoos are the Double-A affiliate of Major League Baseball team?
  6. What did Michael Jordan wear under his uniform during every NBA game?
  7. What three horse races make up the Triple Crown?
  8. Who is the head basketball coach of the Texas Longhorns?
  9. What prominent basketball high school did Carmelo Anthony and Rajon Rondo both attend?
  10. What was the last year that NCAA football “powerhouse” Notre Dame win the national championship?

MATCHING: Match the NBA team to their jersey sponsor.

Milwaukee Bucks___________________ Rakuten
Los Angeles Lakers_________________ Infor
Golden State Warriors______________ Harley-Davidson
Portland Trail Blazers______________ Wish
Brooklyn Nets______________________ BioFreeze

ANSWERS:

  1. 13
  2. Cycling, Swimming, Running
  3. Lehigh
  4. GE
  5. Minnesota Twins
  6. His UNC shorts
  7. Kentucky Derby, Belmont Stakes, Preakness Stakes
  8. Shaka Smart
  9. Oak Hill
  10. 1988

MATCHING ANSWERS:

Milwaukee Bucks___________________ HarleyDavidson
Los Angeles Lakers_________________ Wish
Golden State Warriors______________ Rakuten
Portland Trail Blazers______________ BioFreeze
Brooklyn Nets______________________ Infor

UConn Self-Imposes Sanctions after Kevin Ollie Scandal

Back in 2018, after a disappointing 14-18 season, Kevin Ollie was fired “for cause” by UConn. Some thought it was for the terrible season and some thought it was beCAUSE they hated him. However, it was due to Kevin Ollie being charged with unethical conduct by the NCAA.

The Huskies did one hell of a job kicking this ice under the fridge.

This unethical conduct Ollie is being charged with is giving misleading information about recruiting. Having former UConn stars like Ray Allen and Rudy Gay video call recruits and basically lying about it was one of the more serious violations listed. When a head coach is charged Level-1 NCAA violations, the best thing to do is get rid of that coach and comply the best you can.

UConn is doing just that, but took it one step further and has self-imposed sanctions. Sanctions include the loss of a scholarship for next season, reduction in official recruiting visits, reduction in recruiting hours from 130 to 126 (whoa, easy there) and paying a $5,000 fine to the NCAA.

Self-imposed sanctions are the dumbest thing a school can do. It never helps, just ask Louisville. Self-imposing is like committing a crime and moving to terrible place thinking that time in Cleveland will knock time off your sentence. Or giving yourself a postseason ban knowing that you do not have any shot at winning the championship in hopes the NCAA go easy on you. I promise, the NCAA does not care.

The best thing to do is comply and deny.

Vatican City Starts Olympic Track and Field Team

With the help of the Italian Olympic Committee, Vatican City has started its very own National Track and Field team. The goal of this team is not only to win, but a team member said it is to “promote culture and running and launch the message of solidarity and the fight against racism and violence of all types.” Basically, they won’t win anything and are here to have fun.

Now, God’s new favorite team is not comprised of who you would think. The team consists of priests, nuns and Swiss guards. Wait. That’s exactly what you thought would be on it? Well, this isn’t a game show. There are also pharmacists and a 62 year old Vatican library worker who, not to let logic get in the way, said, “we may even podium.”

The official Holy See Track team will be competing in the Games of the Small States of Europe (for countries smaller that 1 million people) and the Mediterranean Games. Before this happens there are a couple things I’d like to point out.

First, that 62 year old seems like a real liability. Next, the team president’s name is Monsignor Melchor Jose Sanchez de Toca y Alameda. The race is going to be over by the time the announcer gets done saying that. Lastly, this cross country team literally crosses countries for practice. I don’t care if Vatican City is only 0.17 square miles, that’s the most baller thing I’ve ever heard.

UCLA Loves and Hates the Idea of Rick Pitino

Two things are certain to happen if a program were to hire Rick Pitino: their defense will be incredible and the NCAA will be watching them like a hawk. A team would have to be crazy to take a shot like this, but we may have finally found a suitor for Ol’ Rick… the UCLA Bruins.

UCLA fired Head Coach Steve Alford in December and replaced him with Murry Bartow, but only on an interim basis. Luckily, Pitino’s contract with Greek side Panathinaikos is up in May. Sources tell USA Today Sports that UCLA may be Pitino’s next job. To make things even spicier, one of UCLA Athletics top boosters WANTS him.

John Branca, UCLA Law graduate and executor of Michael Jackson’s estate, has vouched for Pitino’s hire. He was part of the search committee instrumental in the hiring of Chip Kelly for UCLA Football. If you can convince a school to hire anyone from the incompetence that is the Kelly family, you can convince anyone to do anything. Sadly, UCLA Regents have said that they would not approve Pitino if he were to be hired.

This would be a great move for Slick Rick. The man just loves to coach. He took a job half a world away even though we was only going to be there for 15 seconds. Just so he could be around the game he loved. From a UCLA administration standpoint, this would be an absolute nightmare. UCLA Basketball wise, however, awesome decision. It would make them a powerhouse again with the defense and player development Pitino brings. He will be on a tight leash for sure, but that doesn’t change the fact he is one of the best college coaches alive.

Matt Jones of Kentucky Sports Radio actually made a very good point about this situation. He said this would be a good move since he would not be the biggest sports figure in LA. Not by a long shot. Growing up in Louisville while he was the coach of UofL, I can say that he and Tom Jurich had control of all things Louisville sports. He wanted the Yum! Center. He got it. He didn’t want an NBA team. We didn’t get one. He wanted Brian Bowen… well, he almost got him. Being the Head Coach of UCLA would make him somewhere around the 226th most important sports figure in LA. No control over anything, except his own starting lineup.

The best part about this move would be that Pitino would make UCLA good. With UCLA being good, they will attract good recruits (legally, of course). Good recruits like LaMelo Ball. I am not sure the stance that the Ball family has on UCLA anymore, but Lavar Ball and Rick Pitino doing anything together would entice me to pay an excessive amount of money to watch.