Update: They Got Worse, Stop Gender Reveals

Other than videos where people say “here’s the tea” or “okeeeerrt”, successful gender reveals are the worst videos on the internet. Just groups of people no one cares about doing nothing of importance and, all of a sudden, there is a cloud of pink or blue smoke. Hard to believe that in the year of our Lord 2019, this is still peak human creativity.

If you haven’t seen one, let me take you through it step by step. It’s always some out of shape couple in front of their detached garage waiting for the grandma-to-be to figure out the camera. Then, the most annoying couple ever pulls a string releasing balloons. If it reveals a blue balloon, everyone cheers. If it is pink, everyone cheers, but the dad looks dead inside.

It’s even worse when they try to get a sport involved. Sometimes, the woman throws a ball that will explode on impact to her JV shortstop all-star of a husband. And this asshole will actually take the pitch as if a better one is coming. That brings me to some of the best videos on the internet. The gender reveal fails.

https://www.facebook.com/watch/?v=564465590603999

Even professional athletes like Kirk Cousins and Gordon Hayward are getting involved.

And, of course, the most controversial gender reveal ever. Gordon Hayward being noticeably upset that he is having another girl.

“Daddy’s… always happy.”

But in all seriousness, stop doing gender reveals. This one actually started a wildfire in Arizona…

Newsfeeds

UPDATE:

Just when I thought they could not get any worse, I was quickly proven wrong. Some jabroni at Duke decided to make yet another cringeworthy gender reveal video by having Zion Williamson dunk a basketball that released confetti. Ingenious plan that now makes them everybody’s least favorite couple. Take a look:

The AAF vs Other Terrible Investments and Wastes of Money

Well, it’s over. The Alliance of American Football is officially suspending operations. RIPIP, 2019-2019. Thank you for the one highlight of that quarterback getting obliterated that one time. It will not be forgotten. What will be forgotten is the investment of $70 million that is now gone forever.

Back in February, Carolina Hurricanes owner Tom Dundon pledged $250 million to the Alliance. On top of Dundon’s ownership and investment, you probably know Dundon best from the shout out he gets at the end of every Law and Order SVU intro. *Dun Dun. His incremental payments totaled $70 million by the time the AAF was shut down.

Obviously, this ended up being a terrible investment. But in the grand scheme of things, just how back was it compared to other famous wastes of money?

AAF vs. Kirk Cousins
As far as investments with no return go, Kirk Cousins is up there with the best of them. You would think adding a better quarterback to team that finished 13-3 the previous season would make them more of a title contender. Turns out, it actually means you miss the postseason. But, was the Kirk Cousins investment worse than the AAF? Yes and no. Cousins’ contract is for 3 years, $84 million and so far, no Super Bowl. We will have to see what the next two years bring.

AAF vs. the Hoover Dam
I am blindly following Ron Swanson and agreeing that the Hoover Dam is a travesty. I don’t care how much electricity it provides. The original cost was $49 million so at least it’s not as bad as the AAF.

AAF vs. Tidal
Remember when Jay-Z bought Tidal way back in the day? I honestly can’t remember what exactly it did, but I know it flopped almost immediately. Could it have been worse than the AAF? Almost, but no. Tidal originally cost the Jiggaman $56 million to buy the company.

AAF vs. the Ponzi scheme John Elway invested in
According to the Denver Post, John Elway once invested in a Ponzi scheme run by hedge fund manager Sean Mueller. Just barely beating the AAF, John Elways investment of $15 million helped the Ponzi scheme end up with $71 million from 60 total investors

Image result for john elway ponzi scheme
Denver Post

AAF vs. Justin Timberlake’s Myspace Investment
After the launch of Facebook, the coolest white person in the world, Justin Timberlake, decided he would invest in the failing social network Myspace. JT purchased a $35 million stake in the company to later sell all of his shares for a total of $1. At least he got a larger return than AAF investors.

Let us know what other investments and wastes of money we left out and throw us a follow @soft7sports on Twitter.