Vatican City Starts Olympic Track and Field Team

With the help of the Italian Olympic Committee, Vatican City has started its very own National Track and Field team. The goal of this team is not only to win, but a team member said it is to “promote culture and running and launch the message of solidarity and the fight against racism and violence of all types.” Basically, they won’t win anything and are here to have fun.

Now, God’s new favorite team is not comprised of who you would think. The team consists of priests, nuns and Swiss guards. Wait. That’s exactly what you thought would be on it? Well, this isn’t a game show. There are also pharmacists and a 62 year old Vatican library worker who, not to let logic get in the way, said, “we may even podium.”

The official Holy See Track team will be competing in the Games of the Small States of Europe (for countries smaller that 1 million people) and the Mediterranean Games. Before this happens there are a couple things I’d like to point out.

First, that 62 year old seems like a real liability. Next, the team president’s name is Monsignor Melchor Jose Sanchez de Toca y Alameda. The race is going to be over by the time the announcer gets done saying that. Lastly, this cross country team literally crosses countries for practice. I don’t care if Vatican City is only 0.17 square miles, that’s the most baller thing I’ve ever heard.