English Soccer Fan Celebrates Too Hard, Needs Ankle Operation

Leeds United of English Soccer’s second division had a major win over the weekend defeating Sheffield United 1-0. The win secures 2nd place in the table which will surely result in promotion to the Premier League next season. This is an exciting time for Leeds and one of their biggest supporters in particular.

When Jack Harrison put away the game winning goal in the 65th minute, the crowd erupted. One fan went a little too hard in the celebration and ended up with his ankle perpendicular to the rest of his leg.

Look at him smiling through the pain as his ankle doubles in size. One sure fire way you can tell a soccer player from a soccer fan is the way they handle injuries. A small trip sends a player on the ground while a fan toughs out a broken ankle until the end of the game even though he requires surgery.

This is what a true fan looks like. This is what all fans should aspire to be. Even with his ankle going the wrong way and an impending operation, this true supporter of Leeds United needed to stay to see his squad lock up their Premier League bid. Gotta love it.

Sarri Not Sarri: Chelsea Manager Has Lost the Locker Room

The Carabao Cup final between Chelsea and Manchester City was, in a word: Boring. For the first 120 minutes at least. All of regulation and extra time was exactly what Americans hate about soccer. No goals, no chances, no drama. Then, the end of the second extra period came.

Sergio “real slim shady” Aguero took a shot that was saved by Chelsea keeper Kepa Arrizabalaga. While landing after the save, Arrizabalaga writhed in pain, as footballers do, for long enough to cause a delay in the game. So, of course, Chelsea Manager Maurizio Sarri tells back-up keep Willy Caballero to sub in, but Arrizabalaga refused.

Watch what ensued:

Arrizabalaga with the wild disrespect.

From my experience, soccer is built on the foundation of respect. Respect entails a lot of things, and leaving the pitch when you are subbed off is definitely one of them. Arrizabalaga showed that Chelsea does not respect Sarri and that Sarri has officially lost the locker room.

Chelsea later lost the Carabao Cup final in penalty kicks 4-3 with Arrizabalaga in goal. I still blame the “Big Useless” David Luiz.

Expect Sarri to be fired at the end of the season if Chelsea does not make Champions League.

EPL Kick Fix: Matchday 13

The EPL is finally back. With what seemed like the eight international break this month coming to an end, we finally get club soccer back. More soccer actually happens during the break, but it always seems like so much less. Thankfully, we get the EPL and Champions League back this week. Keep an eye out for an article about why I hate the International Break so much.
Either way, big week for the EPL and especially my Spurs.

Tottenham vs. Chelsea– 3:1
Kane and Alli start us off right by both having goals in the first 20 minutes. Both goals assisted by Erikson who had his best game in a while. See what happens when we play our best players against the best teams? Take notes Pochettino. After a very exciting start, there was a serious lull in the middle of the game. This was brought to an end when some wanker from Chelsea tried to keep up with Son on a breakaway. Poor sap never had a chance. There was one more line of defense on this play, David Luiz A.K.A. The Big Useless. He did absolutely nothing as Son put away an easy goal. Finally some changes are made to the Chelsea line up and Giroud scores their only goal all but too late. Depending on who you ask, Chelsea should have won this game. If you ask smart people though, Spurs ran away with it. Great result to put us in the top 3 of the table.

Manchester City vs. West Ham United– 4:0
Not a whole lot to talk about here. Again, just your normal, weekly domination from Man City. Is blowing out every team even fun for the fans anymore? I’m sure it is, but City will get their fair chance at close games when they underachieve in Champions League yet again.

Liverpool vs. Watford– 3:0
Just like the Man City match, this one was pretty cut and dry. Liverpool came, saw, and conquered from start to finish. Salah added another goal in his defense of the Golden Boot which I fully expect. Alexander-Arnold put away an amazing free kick from well outside the box which made my jaw drop. Firmino added insult to injury with the final goal in the 89″. The part of this game I loved the most, though, was when Jordan Henderson was sent off for his second yellow. He made his wild tackle and instead of pleading his case, he just showed himself the door. I am not sure if he even looked at the official. 

Manchester United vs. Crystal Palace– 0:0
Manchester United is 7th in the most recent EPL Table and this did not help at all. Right now, Man U wouldn’t even get into Europa League. I find that hilarious. If they want to get over this hump and start resolving the plethora of problems they have, then they need to start winning games especially against bottom table teams. Personally, I hope they keep drawing and losing. More room for Spurs up top.

Arsenal vs. Bournemouth– 2:1
Good win for the Gunners. I don’t have too terribly much to say about this game except for one goal. It was by Bournemouth, but into their own goal. Lerma was trying to block a cross or something and ended up landing the perfect strike into his own upper corner. Gotta hand it to Arsenal, they really let the other team give them this game.

Weekly Awards:
Bloke of the Week: David Luiz (Chelsea)- watched and/or stood still while Tottenham scored three goals on him. He was in the vicinity of all three and definitely should have had more of a say in them. This is why I have dubbed him “The Big Useless” and Bloke of the Week.
Brilliant Lad: Christian Erikson (Tottenham)- Best game he has had in a while. Had two assists in a very important win for Spurs. Moves into sole possession of third place and only 5 points behind the leader, Man City.
Absolute Firecracker: Tie between Jefferson Lerma (Bournemouth) for his Own Goal and Trent Alexander-Arnold (Liverpool) for his beautiful free kick.

EPL Kick Fix: Matchday 12

First, I would like to apologize for the one week hiatus, but like my Spurs, I am back.

Tottenham v. Crystal Palace- 1:0

Wow. No surprise here. Tottenham is back to doing the absolute bare minimum to win against a team fighting against relegation. I shouldn’t be upset about 3 points, and I’m not, but we should really be scoring more goals. These kind of games should be confidence boosters for our biggest players. Kane and Alli should have had 2 goals a piece and another one should have been tacked on by Son or Erikson. The best part of this game was the goal by Juan Foyth, who is a normal sub. Doing his best impression of Anthony Martial, he executed on an opportunity that fell right into his lap… or head, if you will. It’s just a little frustrating when you let terrible teams hang around for no reason. I’d be more upset, but when you know you are going to win the championship, you tend to let things go. #SpursYear.

Manchester City v. Manchester United- 3:1

Time to take out the trash in Manchester. Man U did not win and that really buttered my biscuit (that’s a British thing, right?). I really don’t like cheering for teams higher on the table than my Spurs, but I will rock some baby blue if it means Man U is moved further and further away from even Europa League contention (currently 8th). It’s really evident that Man United trying the Real Madrid strategy of buying the best team means nothing when your coach is garbage. Game time. Man City jumped out to a 2-0 advantage with goals by David Silva and Sergio Aguero. I think Kün’s got his swagger back. These 2 goals were followed by a goal by Anthony Martial. Of course, he did no work whatsoever and the ball magically appeared in front of goal with just the keeper to beat. Yeah, it was a penalty, but shut up it fits my narrative. I will fight everyone if he wins the Golden Boot for tap-ins. That’s Harry Kane’s thing; get your own, Anthony.  Gündogan finally puts the hopes and dreams of United fans to rest with his goal in the 86th minute and I could not have been happier.

Liverpool v. Fulham- 2:0

Again, when the hell did Andre Schurrle get to the EPL? Please comment below. Liverpool is playing how Tottenham should be. Racking up goals on bottom table teams that have no purpose being in any kind of competition. There is not a whole lot to talk about in this match. Just Liverpool handling business. Salah put away a goal in the first half and Shaqiri put away a sweet volley in the second. Really an incredible display of skill and another reason to miss him being away from Bayern. Liverpool had 73% of possession and 21 shots. Just so much control of the game.

ARSEnal v. Wolves- 1:1

Man U and ARSEnal both lost. These blokes are about to throw themselves so far away from Champions League contention that it won’t even be fun for me to see how disappointed their fans are. With no prior knowledge of Wolves, it was pretty weird to see them start the game in a 3-4-2-1- formation. ARSEnal has so many strikers it just seems odd to not have at least 4 guys back. But who am I to judge? Wolves dominated this game for almost the entire match. A quick goal in the 12′ led to them controlling the lead for 74 minutes. In true mediocre gunner fashion, ARSEnal equalized in the final minutes to steal a point.

Chelsea v. Everton- 0:0

Not sure how in the world Chelsea did not win this match 6-0. Oh wait, yes I do. Sarri decided not to play Ross Barkley. He has been electric recently and I think it is wildly bananas not to play him against another top 10 team. He waited until the 82′ to sub him in. Disrespectful. This was a real Mauricio Pochettino move. Chelsea still had full control of the game and had the vast majority of shots (15-6). Really should have won with or without Barkley. Oh well, less points that Spurs have to make up.

Weekly Awards:

Brilliant Lad: Sergio Aguero (MNC)- scoring the second goal of the game against Manchester United puts him in sole possession of most goals and looks like it could be a Golden Boot season for the Argentine.

Absolute Firecracker: Xherdan Shaqiri (LIV)- his volley in the second half against Fulham was one of the best so far this season. Reminded me of Arjen Robben back in the day.

Bloke of the Week: Roberto Pereyra (WAT)- I usually stick to just the Big 6 every week, but this one was bad. After a corner kick, the ball landed at Pereyra’s feet and he tripped or forgot how to play soccer or something and gave away the ball in the box which led directly to a Southampton goal. Way to go, ya bloke.





EPL Kick Fix: Matchday 10

Manchester City v. Tottenham– 1:0

This game was incredibly frustrating to watch as a Spurs fan. Trippier made a huge mistake lunging for a ball that led to the only goal on the game in the 6th minute. Very uncharacteristic of Trippier, but great finish by Mahrez. Spurs had every opportunity to equalize. Kane, who should have at least 9 goals at this point, took heavy touch after heavy touch ruining several chances on goal. Sissoko also had every chance to do something to make me hate him less, but squandered every opportunity by passing to directly to Man City. The most frustrating thing about Man City was that they were doing almost everything perfectly while wearing Phoenix Suns Summer League kits. Christ on a bike those things were ugly and honestly took away from the game. For Spurs, the most frustrating thing was the fact that Christian Erikson and Dele Alli came on as subs way too late in the game. I know they are just getting over injuries, but they are far too important to keep off the field. Minor set back for the eventual champions.

Main takeaway: Kyle Walker is a certified bitch.

Liverpool v. Cardiff– 4:1

Of course, Salah scored the first goal of the game. Liverpool had almost everything go their way. Every loose ball in the box was falling directly at a striker’s feet. If you need more evidence that Liverpool dominated this game other than the score line, they also had 80% possession.

Manchester United v. Everton– 2:1

I would like to cordially invite Paul Pogba to go fuck himself. Even though he scored immediately after, I am so glad Pickford saved his penalty kick. His 5 minute approach should be punishable by being sold to Swansea. I’m convinced that half of the time he has spent at Man U has been him sneaking up on the ball. Anyway, second goal of the game also went to Man U. I would now like to congratulate Anthony Martial on scoring a goal from a pass that was actually meant for him instead of poaching errant passes. Everton finally got their goal from a PK in the 77th minute resulting in a 2:1 finish, but I really believe this should have ended in a tie. I don’t want to call match fixing, but I do want to call home cooking on the Red Devils. A whole lot of missed calls in the box.

Chelsea v. Burnley– 4:0

This was the weekend of stupid kits, I see. Chelsea rolled up in a highlighter yellow kit with royal blue socks and I could not have been more disgusted. Their kit designer would have been Bloke of the Week if they had not been joined by Man City’s eyesores. Looking like a packet of blue raspberry lemonade Kool-aid. Enough about the kits, let’s get to the game. Morata got a much needed confidence boost in the 22nd minute assisted by Ross Barkley. Barkley then followed that up with a rocket of his own from 25 yards out. Last two goals were from Willian and Ruben Clappin-Cheeks.

Crystal Palace v. Arsenal– 2:2

There is an inverse relationship between Arsenal winning and my happiness. No win for Arsenal this weekend, so I am happy. They really should have lost, but a tie will do. I am not sure if they underestimated Crystal Palace or what happened, but I didn’t recognize half of their starters. Arsenal, hilariously, gave up two penalties and really had their backs against the wall. They controlled possession and had the lead for a while, but gave up 16 shots and plenty more chances.

Weekly Awards:

Brilliant Lad: Ross Barkley (Chelsea)- this lad has been on an absolute tear lately. He scored his third goal in three weeks against Burnley and also assisted on Alvaro Morata’s goal.

Absolute Firecracker: Granit Xhaka (Arsenal)- Free kick from way outside the box to the far post in the 51st minute to bring them level with Crystal Palace.

Bloke of the Week: Mauricio Pochettino (Manager-Tottenham)- Could have played his best players against the second best team in the EPL (behind Spurs, of course), but decided to sit Christian Erikson and Dele Alli for almost the entire game.

If you have any other teams you would like me to cover, please comment them and I will do my best to write heavily biased opinions about them.