Danny Ainge Loves Himself a Foreign Big Man

With the departures of Al Horford, Aron Baynes, Marcus Morris and he who shall not be named, Danny Ainge needed to reload the Boston Celtics Roster and he needed to do it quick. Mainly at the power forward/center position. We wish Mook and Al nothing but the best and, of course, just want Baynes to be happy. Some of us took losing him a little better than others:

So, now the Celtics need to fill the big man vacancy. But how? Well, what does Danny Ainge love more than anything else in the world? The young core. Okay, but what comes right after the young core? Terry Rozier. Well, we thought, but the correct answer is actually big men from foreign countries. Bonus points if they are covered in tattoos.

If the trio of Baynes, Theis and Yabusele from last season wasn’t enough evidence, the Celtics just stocked up on as many as they could like there was a drought coming soon. As if foreign 7 footers were going out of style. First things first, Boston re-signed Daniel Theis and still had Yabusele on contract. But, still being without talents like Horford, Morris and Baynes meant that the Celtics effectively had no viable options at the 4 or 5 spot assuming Tatum would be playing the 3. So, what is Ainge to do?

Sign Enes Kanter, sign Vincent Poirier, and sign Tacko Fall. That makes one very tall and very foreign frontcourt. Just the way Danny likes it. Now, all that is left is to watch Kemba thrive in the Brad Stevens system and return to the Eastern Conference Finals.

Enes Kanter- Turkey
Vincent Poirier- France
Tacko Fall- Senegal
Guerschon Yabusele- France
Daniel Theis- Germany

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Enes Kanter Cannot Physically Stop Himself from Taking Shots at NBA Teams

The NBA is the pettiest professional sports league in the United States. No one is going to argue about that. Enes Kanter is one of the main reasons for that case being so strong. Every time something goes his way, such as a Playoff series he really didn’t do anything in, his Twitter fingers turn to trigger fingers and he takes his shot. This time, the victim is the Denver Nuggets.

Kick them while they are down. This man just loves trolling entire states. Just three months ago, he was making sure that he would never be welcomed back in the state of New York.

He simply cannot physically restain himself from making enemies on Twitter. Kanter is just classic twitter troll. The reactions keep him going and fuel his fire. No response can ever make him change; he just sits back and watches the world burn. Maybe he should keep his battles to just NBA teams though. He has been known to chirp the president of Turkey from time to time, in the name of democracy which is admirable, but the backlash kept him from playing the NBA London game earlier this year.

Enes Kanter Gives One Last Middle Finger to the Knicks

This league, am I right?

The pettiness of the NBA Playoffs is what makes them so entertaining even when the games are over. Jared Dudley vs. the city of Philadelphia was great. Russ vs. Dame was even better. But the best petty war that has been going on the entire season has been Enes Kanter vs. the New York Knicks organization.

If there was going to be a headline that came out after the Thunder/Blazers series, I figured it would have been Russ saying that he was still better than Dame, maybe something like this:

But it turns out that there is someone else that is even pettier that Russ and he has a vendetta against the Knicks, James Dolan and rest of their front office. Enes Kanter gives one last middle finger to the Knicks in his press conference after finally making it past the first round. Take a look:

“I would definitely like to thank the Knicks for waiving me.” Kanter might secretly be the funniest person in the NBA.

Enes Kanter Wastes No Time Offending Knicks Fans

After a rough and rocky break up with the New York Knicks, Enes Kanter found his way to Portland. Now, Kanter seems to want to burn every bridge he has ever crossed. His home country of Turkey has excommunicated him, he never had a good relationship with James Dolan (no one has, let’s be honest) and he is wasting no time making sure Knicks fans hate him too.

Kanter took to Twitter after his first win with the Trail Blazers:

read the comments for a good laugh

Kyrie likes to troll the media, but Kanter is trolling entire countries. He is officially the best NBA Twitter troll. From what I can surmise, it looks like the only fanbase that still supports him is my fellow Kentucky fans. Gotta look out for your own… even if he didn’t technically play for us.

Also, if you told me a couple months ago that Enes Kanter was going to be in Portland, Oregon, I would have assumed that he was in Witness Protection.

Best Fat Athletes

We all love a fat athlete. The clinically obese lineman (don’t tell them I said that) always make us feel better about ourselves. We love seeing someone just like us doing something spectacular. Every athlete is skinny now, even the professional eaters.

But there are some fatties still out there doing great things. I am not one to body shame, especially because all of these people can outrun me, but I do love MY people, the out of shape soft 7’s, represented at the biggest stage.
Here are the best (non-lineman) fat athletes in the game:

Zion Williamson
Zion is an absolute UNIT. At 285 pounds, if he were to go to Cleveland, fans would have a tough time distinguishing between him and the Goodyear Blimp. I am not sure about the physics behind it, but no one that heavy should be able to float the way he does.

CJ Anderson
We got to see a new side of CJ Anderson in the NFL Playoffs. In fact, it was hard to miss. He wasn’t always fat though. After he won the Super Bowl with the Broncos, he decided to let loose and bro down. He bounced around a lot after that, and not just team to team. He made this list because, even as a fat guy, he was still taking snaps from Todd Gurley.

Enes Kanter
This man would have LOVED the Clemson championship dinner at the White House. A month ago, Kanter took Treat Yo’Self Day a little too far eating 7 burgers and fries in one sitting. He had to miss practice the next day, because he was “sick”.

CC Sabathia
CC always seems just a little bit out of breath. Whether it be the first inning or the seventh, he always looks like he just got done running a marathon. I hope his stamina was taken into consideration when the MLB decided to lower the pitching mound. That thing can get steep for guys like CC.

Kelvin Benjamin
The leader of the fat athlete movement. I had a hard time choosing between him and Eddie Lacy, but I had to go with Benjamin because he is on a roster. As if the Chiefs needed anymore firepower. He is the the mid-range target for Pat Mahomes. Not out of design, it’s just that he only gets half as far as Tyreek Hill by the time Mahomes throws the ball.

Pablo Sandoval
This dude got a monster contract from the Red Sox in 2015 and completely chonked out. If there was ever a collision at the plate involving Sandoval, I think you could sue the third base coach for personal injuries since he is the one who sent him home.

Pablo Sanchez
Let’s be honest. This dude was the baddest m’fer in all of sports history. Mix Tom Brady with Michael Jordan, Babe Ruth and Cristiano Ronaldo and you get this tiny baller with his belly hanging out. Little man could take anyone yard.

Did we leave anybody out? Let us know on Twitter @soft7sports.

Enes Kanter is Fatter than Future Teammate Zion Williamson

For those that may not know, Zion Williamson (currently a SF/PF enrolled at Duke University) is kinda a hefty boy. However, not willing to be outdone, Enes Kanter tried to prove how much of a fat waste of space he is on the Knicks bench.

Yes, for all you that don’t know, Enes Kanter recently had his coveted “cheat day”, where he posted a video of himself eating 7 burgers and fries in one sitting. While I can respect the effort but the GOAT Joey Chestnut and his 2nd place counter-part Takeru Kobayashi in terms of professional eating/engorging, I can still tip my cap to ol’ Enes trying to show up his future teammate Zion.

However, I cannot tip my cap to the fact that Enes missed practice the next day due to an “illness”.

Hmmm, sounds suspect. I bet Zion wouldn’t have been “sick” and missed practice after his “cheat day”.

Then again, Zion is also a more professional fat person than Enes is.

Knicks and Kings Hashing Out Trade

Yes, you read the right sports’ fans. Vlade Divac is proving his love affair with former UK players by engaging in talks with the Knicks for former (but not really since he was ruled ineligible) UK basketball player Enes Kanter. Who would he be sending over you may ask? Former All-Star Zach Randolph. Now, if you were the Knicks, I do not know why you would be trading $18.6 mil of dead salary (since he wipes off the books next year) for just $11.7 mil of dead salary. So what does that mean?

More players.

Based off of looking at the composition of the teams and the money that needs to be cleared, I believe that the best possible trade would be something like this…

Kings Receive – C Enes Kanter (1 yr/$18.8 mil), PF/C Luke Kornet (1 yr/$1.6 mil)
Knicks Receive – PF/C Zach Randolph (1 yr/$11.7 mil), C Kosta Koufos (1 yr/$8.7 mil) + draft pick(s)

Again, this is one I came up with immediately upon hearing the trade rumors. However, after much thought, I completely thought of a different one that, for the scope of the Knicks FA plans, makes amazing sense for both teams…

Kings Receive – C Enes Kanter (1 yr/$18.8 mil), SG/SF Tim Hardaway, Jr. + draft compensation
Knicks Receive – PF/C Zach Randolph (1 yr/$11.7 mil), C Kosta Koufos (1 yr/$8.7 mil), SG Iman Shumpert (1 yr/$11 mil)

So, this one should be somewhat logical in its thought process. The money essesntially matches, with the Kings receiving slightly more not only in the first year, but also the additional years in Tim Hardaway, Jr.’s contract. However, the biggest difference between the Kings and Knicks is that the Kings DO NOT have a pick in the top heavy 2019 draft class. They hypothetically could, but it is super unlikely that this will occur. So, keeping in mind that the Kings wish to build through the draft whereas the Knicks have essentially announced to the world that they will be “big players in the 2019 FA market.”

Now, I do not know the protections said pick will receive. I also do not know if the Knicks will be fully on board with going into this cap space sell-out mode. Also, this will hurt the Kings since the players they are acquiring are infinitely better than the ones they are trading for. Hopefully though, they both can agree. I would take the trade if I was both teams.

Knicks could finally waive Luke Kornet, and could stretch Courtney Lee’s contract in the offseason to make more space (would free up an additional $9 mil in the FA). Knicks could walk into 2019 FA with a little under $67 mil under the cap. Enough to pursue 2 All-Stars (cough cough KD).

Kings, on the other hand, add meaningful wing depth in Tim Hardaway, Jr. They also free up a roster spot for another money dump trade, which they seem to be all for. On top of this, they also free up center and guard minutes for their promising young players, and can thoroughly make a promising run at the 8th seed in the playoffs. They also get that coveted Knicks pick (projected at #3 currently based on records) to build their team for the future. Of course, the Knicks may not wish to use a draft pick this year, and may send a 2020 first instead. That would be just as good, if not better, for the Kings. After all, they are a good wing away from being one of the best young teams in the NBA.