Think Ohio State Fans Are Annoying Now? Wait until the Browns Are Good

Never argue with stupid. Stupid will bring you down to their level and beat you with experience. But really, no one wins Ohio State football arguments. Welcome to a day in the life of knowing way too many people from Columbus, OH.

You are thinking irrationally if you think there is something more irrational than an Ohio State Football fan. Wow, this is actually the longest I have thought about OSU Football and not had someone talk over me. Anyway, Ohio State fans are the worst. They are the ones who think they should get preferential treatment by the CFP committee, because their coach’s head hurt for a little bit. They actually think that Dwayne Haskins should have won the Heisman. They still complain about Joey Bosa getting kicked out the Fiesta Bowl for targeting.

That last one is absolutely true. OSU fans cited the fact it was “his last game in an OSU uniform” and “their feelings” for why blatant rule violations should be ignored.

Image result for joey bosa notre dame targeting
Sporting News
Find me an easier call, I’ll wait.

The question stands: could Ohio State Football fans get more annoying? If they had a good NFL team, would they split their attention to half OSU and half Cleveland Browns? Here’s the thing. There is no limit to their irrationality. They will be worse.

The Browns have made all the biggest moves this offseason. To help out Baker and the boys, Cleveland has added Kareem Hunt and Odell Beckham Jr. on offense and Sheldon Richardson and Olivier Vernon on defense. Surely, this will make the Browns a successful team especially in dilapidated AFC North.

With the new success will come more fans. Namely, Ohio State fans who have way too much pride in their godforsaken state. I would love to be able to cheer for the Browns, but the sudden influx of OSU fans will make them like the Patriots. A team worth cheering for, but also a fanbase nobody wants to be associated with.

I wonder if they will need a chant to remember how to spell “Browns”. Probably yes, since they need one for O-H-I-O. Careful, Buckeyes, this is one of those tricky 6 letter words.

The Browns Broke up with Kevin Zeitler… ON HIS BIRTHDAY

In the dating world, there are a couple of rules when it comes to breakups. One of the most important is that you never break up with someone on their birthday. I like to think that this one also applies to professional relationships as well. The Cleveland Browns, however, are not so fond of the connection I am trying to make.

Earlier today, the Browns agreed to trade OG Kevin Zeitler and a later fourth-round pick to the Giants in exchange for OL/DE Olivier Vernon and an earlier fourth-round pick. On Zeitler’s birthday no less. But not only did the Brown’s trade him on his birthday, they also wished him a happy birthday just a few hours earlier…

Jimmy Haslem gave him a one-way trip to New York. How thoughtful. They really could not have waited one more day? This just seems a little brutal to me. Unless, he wanted out of Cleveland (who doesn’t?) and this was the best present he could have ever asked for.

Now, from someone who is not going to trade you, Happy Birthday, Kevin. Hope ya have a great day searching for apartments.

Johnny Manziel Banned from CFL

The Montreal Alouettes have released former Heisman Trophy winner and Cleveland Brown Johnny Manziel. The termination of his contract came at the direction of the Canadian Football League after it was discovered that Manziel broke the agreement he had with the CFL that made him eligible for the league.

First reported by Ian Rapoport with this tweet:

The CFL has already stated that they will not register a contract if any other CFL team would try to sign him. So what now for Johnny? He still has his podcast with Barstool Sports, Comeback SZN, and is surely going to return to the United States to explore football opportunities.

I just want him to know that he still has fans here. In fact, I will be rocking his neon orange #2 Browns jersey in Indianapolis this weekend for the NFL Combine. I want to watch him thrive in football again like he did in college. If only there was a professional team in Texas that plays competition similar to college teams…

Dare I say… time for a move to the AAF? I am sure the San Antonio Commanders would love to have him.

Every Team in the AFC North Is Hot Garbage… Except One

The AFC North is like a game of Sims gone wrong. For years, these teams have been doing everything they can to keep everyone happy when it just isn’t feasible long term. Now, the whole conference is one large dumpster fire. But one team is going to rise from the ashes and their takeover begins this season.

Let’s start in the Steel City of Pittsburgh. Jet fuel may not be able to melt steel beams, but petty drama sure can. The Steelers are falling apart. There is virtually no scenario where Le’Veon Bell plays for Pittsburgh ever again. They do get the consolation prize of James Conner, but he is no Le’Veon. They will also lose Antonio Brown. Arguably the best receiver in the NFL has already said goodbye to Pittsburgh despite the fact he is still on the roster. Star players are begging to get out of that city. Big Ben, who is a coward and should unblock me on Twitter, is one big hit away from being forced into retirement. Not a bright future.

See the source image

The Ravens may have finished last season with 10 wins, but if that playoff game versus the Chargers was indicator of anything, I would start to worry. The Ravens have put all of their eggs in one basket with Lamar Jackson. He has proven time and time again that he cannot throw to save his life while the one person that could somewhat pass just got traded to the Broncos. One top of the future quarterback problem, John Harbaugh has had a tough time beating their rivals as of late. Must run in the family.

See the source image

If you remember the old phrase “Browns gonna Browns”, you should learn the new one: “Bengals gonna Bengals”. They may have finally stopped rewarding Marvin Lewis for his mediocrity, but don’t think for a second that the Bengals are all of a sudden going to be anything better than 5-11. As long as the Ginga Ninja is tossing around the pigskin and Vontaze Burfict is doing everything he can to keep the other team’s offense on the field, don’t get your hopes up.

I never thought I would say this, but the Browns are the saving grace of this conference and will win the division next season. Despite what Colin Cowherd tells you, Baker Mayfield is legit. He won’t win the MVP next season, but expect to hear his name in contention. The Browns have also made some huge moves in the past year and so far this offseason. Cleveland picked up Kareem Hunt (I am not going to make Browns’ Kicker jokes). A Hunt and Chubb backfield is going to be insane. It also sounds like a really bad buddy cop duo. Expect last year’s 7 wins to jump to 10, but do not expect anyone to stop asking if Alabama can beat them.

See the source image

Colin Cowherd on the Browns in 2019: “No Playoffs”

Known Baker Mayfield critic and Skip Bayless wannabe, Colin Cowherd was spotted in LAX two days ago by TMZ Sports reporters. Of course, they had to ask him about his #1 target and how the Browns would fare with Baker at the helm.

Surprisingly enough, Cowherd said some nice things about Baker… Theeeennn attacked Mayfield’s character calling him immature. Why not? Cowherd went on to say that the Browns will win games next season, but will not beat the Steelers nor will they make the playoffs.

Now, Browns fans, don’t get too upset because this man is often ALWAYS wrong. This is coming from the guy who said that Durant would never go to the Warriors. The guy who said the Cubs absolutely wouldn’t win the World Series in 2016. The guy who said during the 2016 NBA Finals, when the series was 2-0 Golden State, that LeBron was too old to chase you down and block you from behind. We all know how these turned out.

As we can see, when Colin Cowherd makes a definitive statement like that, the opposite almost always happens. So, Browns fans, get ready for your first postseason since 2002. Best believe that Baker has already heard this and will win the Super Bowl purely out of spite.

Cleveland Browns Are Not Dead

Don’t get me wrong. It is still a long shot for the Browns to make the postseason, but for the first time in a long time, there is hope in Cleveland. 

They can’t win the AFC North since the Steelers beat the Pats yesterday, but there is a chance they get a Wild Card spot. The 5 seed is already locked up by either the Chiefs or the Chargers, but the 6 seed is still wide open. Luckily, Tyrod Taylor is no longer the Browns’ QB. If he saw something this wide open, he would definitely throw at its feet. 

So here is how the Cleveland Browns make the NFL Playoffs:
First things first, they have to win out. A loss or tie will ruin everything.
Next, the Ravens need to lose the rest of their games.
Miami needs to only lose one.
The Colts and the Titans need to lose in Week 16.

This is not impossible, but it is unlikely. Now, here is what makes the Browns’ chances even unlikelier: The Titans and Colts play each other in Week 17. Both teams being 8-6 currently means that even if they both lose in Week 16, one of them will still have to finish with 9 wins, right? 

Wrong-o. *Grinch voice and finger wag* The Colts and Titans can tie. If this happens, Colts and Titans lose in Week 16, the Browns win out, the Ravens lose out and the Dolphins lose once; this will leave three teams with 8-7-1 records. That stupid tie at the beginning of the season against the Steelers is the only thing keeping them alive. Some more very specific things would have to happen for the Browns to win the tie breakers, but they are breathing. 

Imagine if they had fired Hue Jackson earlier than they did.