Seattle has just been unanimously approved to be the home of the NHL’s 32nd team in the latest expansion. There are plenty of problems remaining like the expansion draft, coaching, money, etc., but I don’t care about any of that. Their biggest problem to me, a guy who doesn’t know what icing is, is that Seattle doesn’t have a name yet.
The way I see it, there’s a couple of ways that they can go about this.
Old School: I have seen the name Metropolitans pop up quite a bit on Twitter recently. I am guessing from context that this was the old Seattle team’s name. Stop living in the past. Not only is there already a Big 4 team with this name (NY Mets), there is a division in the NHL already named exactly that. Imagine if there was an NFL expansion and they called that team the Las Vegas NFC Souths.
Ownership: Jerry Bruckheimer is a part owner for the Seattle expansion team. He has said “ever name has a chance right now.” I think he secretly wants the team to be named after one of his movies so might I suggest: Seattle Lone Rangers, Seattle Bad Boys II, Seattle Crimson Tide, Seattle Dangerous Minds, or the Seattle Pearl Harbors. Okay, maybe not that last one. I did not say the Glory Roads because I assume that it will be used over a billion times in promotions.
Corporate: If they want some serious money to get poured into the franchise very quickly, they should do exactly what the NY Red Bulls did in the MLS. Obviously, the Red Bulls are owned in some way by the energy drink giants and have loads of money because of it. Luckily for Seattle, there are a ton of wealthy Seattle-based businesses that are right around the corner. Possibilities are the Seattle Amazons, Seattle Starbucks, Seattle Costco Wholesalers, Seattle Microsofts, or even the Seattle Alaskan Airlines.
Minor League Baseball:I’m not saying that Seattle should straight up jack another team’s name, but if they want a WOW factor, this is the type of energy they need to bring. Here’s how you create a minor league baseball team name: either take something that is not intimidating at all OR combine 2 words that have no business being together. Just some examples to get the ball rolling: Montgomery Biscuits, Akron RubberDucks, Modesto Nuts (my favorite), Binghamton Rumble Ponies, Pensacola Blue Wahoos, Lehigh Valley Iron Pigs, Fort Wayne TinCaps (yes, literally metal hats), or the New Orleans Baby Cakes. You can look all of these up if you want. I promise they are all real.
I hope Seattle goes as ridiculous as possible with their team name. I’d pay money to see the Top Guns play. Even though Seattle seems to be very happy with the decision and the new team, I am sure they just want the SuperSonics back.
