Ron Swanson is one of the single best characters in all of TV history. One the of the very few fictional people that I aspire to be. As a man, as a boss and… as a basketball coach? Probably the best scene of early Parks and Recreation was the youth basketball piece. 10 minutes of gold that sold a lot of people, including me, on the show.
I think about that episode roughly 5 times a week. With the NCAA Championship game tonight, it got me thinking about what Ron Swanson would be like as a college basketball coach. And I think I have it nailed down to a T.
The Coaching Philosophy
Of course, at the beginning of every season, the team will be presented with the Ron Swanson Pyramid of Greatness. Each player will be instilled with the life teachings of Bobby Knight. Everything about the way he coaches can be found in this deleted scene. Truthfully, I have no idea why this was deleted.
“Zero passes is selfish, one pass is American, two passes is Communist.”
The Swanson Offense
A Swanson Offense will follow the ideals of the great Bobby Knight. Spacing of 15-18 feet with Ron Swanson’s personal touches of overpowering an opponent, hard screens to force a mismatch with a weaker player, dominance in the low post and above all, no mercy. Running up the score is encouraged. “The backboard is your friend” will be yelled after every missed shot. Dunking is allowed when necessary to score or to embarrass an opponent. No fade aways, no step backs, no hooks, no fuss.
The Swanson Defense
Strict man-to-man. Help defense is prohibited. Guard your man like a man. Full court press will run the entire game because why would you only guard someone for half the court? After all, you “don’t half ass two things; whole ass one thing.”
Ron Swanson with the NCAA
Keep in mind this man does not think there should be a government at all. Does anyone really think he would recognize a governing body full of money hungry thugs that is so mismanaged that it can’t even have one of its own student-athletes star in a commercial promoting student-athletes.