Ya know the days that we are supposed to be working, but absolutely nothing gets done. The days that everyone already treats like holidays. We’ve all been saying this for years, so let’s actually make something of it. Here are my days that should be a national holiday.
Look, there is nothing worse than eating turkey, stuffings, casserole, and then pie and then probably doing it again throughout the day but regardless you know you have to be at work the next morning. The worst thing about Black Friday is the fact that you’re so gassy and feel so bloated sitting in your little cubicle, (meat) sweating the day away. While teens and other adults are out capturing the 55 inch TV for $20, you’re stuck in work doing absolutely nothing. This is a pointless workday, mainly because half of the world is off anyway. The American society has been enamored in the sales of Black Friday, so why should other Americans still be trapped in their office? I know what you’re saying “Juice, people have to work so we can go buy things in their store,” and that’s true but if we give everyone off and start Cyber Friday then we can have Black Monday. That way everyone wins and you can sleep off your turkey coma and shop online and not worry about putting clothes on.
No one in the world wants to work this day. The Super Bowl is a huge ordeal, especially with eating all of the greasy food that you can. The thing about the Super Bowl, you’re watching every single second of the broadcast due to the new commercials, the halftime show, and then the actual game. It honestly is just such a hassle and having to wake up and go to work the next day should be illegal. There’s no way around that. In fact, on average, 17 million people call in “sick” the following day. No one should ever have to use a sick day for this. The cost of that productivity loss “could top $4 billion” according to the Washington Post. There is no reason that this should be a work day, I think everyone can agree here.
I won’t group the whole tournament but the first Thursday and Friday, where there are games from 12pm-12am, should be a national holiday. No one is getting work done. In fact, some men schedule vasectomies instead of going to work. I had an interview last Friday, the manager I interviewed with said they’ve accepted a lot of money won’t be made and they shut down the office so they can all go down to a bar and watch the games BUT they still get paid. This guy is doing everything right. But the other Americans who expect people to come in and give their full effort, fuck you dude. Everyone in the United States loves some college basketball and I promise you everyone in your office has filled out a bracket. This year, it was estimated that companies would lose 13.3 BILLION dollars during these two days alone due to lack of sales and productivity. What else is it going to take to get this to be a holiday?
This is the pinnacle of sports day that should be a holiday. March 28, 2019. They have no excuse for this not to be a holiday. The warm, spring weather with the sound of a ball hitting a bat or a ball hitting a glove, the excitement of a home run or honestly, the excitement of drinking a beer and doing absolutely nothing. I’m sitting in my apartment writing this with one TV on the Yankees vs Orioles and the other on Mets vs Nationals. At 4:05pm, I will switch it to the Reds and the true festivities begin there. There is nothing better than watching baseball, dreaming you were on the field or at the game while sipping your Miller Lite and crunching on your homemade nachos. If you’re American, you love baseball. It’s a long season but after their long hiatus, Opening Day is just so refreshing. If we’re lucky, we’ll have a few fights and a few blasts from Stanton and or Judge. So as you’re reading this, I pray you are doing what I am. I hope you took today for you and you are enjoying your beers and your nachos.
If I missed something, feel free to tweet us @Soft7Sports or me individually at Soft7Juice. Let’s get the season started.