Folks, I hate Notre Dame. Their stupid fans told my girlfriend this previous weekend that “Who’s worried about Bama? It’s gonna be us and Michigan.” Did Nick Saban die? Did Tua pull a Le’veon Bell? There is only a few ways Bama does not win the National Championship: if Tua and Saban both don’t show up, Jim Harbaugh actually learned how to coach, and Jesus Christ himself plays QB for Notre Dame. The best team Notre Dame has played all year is Michigan. The next closest? Northwestern or Syracuse? what? Your student sections throws marshmallows. Huh? You have not been relevant since Te’o had a dead girlfriend, who wasn’t even real, and got blown out by Bama 42-14. Before that? Brady Quinn’s sister couldn’t even support her own brother, she had to wear half an Ohio State jersey.
Growing up, I had so much respect for Notre Dame. Their football team was top 5 all time, might still be. They think they are too good or too old fashioned to be in a conference, but their last Championship was in 1988. At that point, Saban was coaching the Houston Oilers (they aren’t even a team anymore). They won’t join a football conference because money, plain and simple. They get 15 million a year by NBC for them to televise their football games. You’d think as Catholics they’d be more concerned about following the rules than accepting a payment on the side.
Here are a few more reasons to hate Notre Dame. You cannot watch porn on their campus, the school Wifi blocks it. The damn leprechaun. They think they are intellectually superior to every team they play, but they aren’t even ranked top 20 academically. They have an excuse for everything (i.e. the Bush Push). Every time they play a top team it is referenced as “the game of the century” for them. They think every team is their rival, even though they aren’t (USC). They’ll remind you that Catholics vs Convicts happened. They are 5-10 in their last 15 bowl games, sounds like an elite competitor, right? To put that in perspective, Kentucky is 7-8 in their last 15 and they still look better than Notre Dame. Oh, and Rudy was fake. He was offsides, they were up 24-3, no one was chanting his name, no one threw their jerseys in, and he was carried off “as a joke.” (comes directly from Joe Montana himself).
The fact that students and fans of Notre Dame believe they will win the Championship is outrageous. Michigan would beat them if they played again simply because Shea Patterson is a completely different factor now. Every week Michigan plays, they are 100% playing a team better than Notre Dame is. Notre Dame stands a zero percent chance of beating Bama, unless Tua, Jalen, Mac, and their whole defense is hurt, oh and Saban would have had to die. Notre Dame is so confident that they’ll win it all, but I don’t even think they’ll come close against Clemson.